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Buddhism and the DWHH
by Matt

Something as horrible and murderous as the Dog with HUMAN HANDS could never come to pass without sufficient prophecy and omen. After extensive delving into historical records, I stumbled across the evidence of the coming of the Dog with HUMAN HANDS, right before our eyes (kinda like Jesus, but not in a sacrilegious way). Buddhism, the search for personal Enlightenment, speaks directly of this monster (what could be worse?). This simple and benevolent religion teaches that the quest for Enlightenment is an internal journey. One must conquer one's own desires by meditation and pondering the mind. Dependent on no one, we release ourselves from this hellish nightmare-world in which a Dog with HUMAN HANDS exists.

The Buddha, the venerable wise one who first achieved Enlightenment under the bodhi tree in the 6th century, B.C., was the one who brought his revelation of the coming of the Dog with HUMAN HANDS. In order to achieve Enlightenment, one must be aware of the Four Noble Truths. The First Noble Truth is known as the presence of Dukkha. The Pali language is quite distinct from ours, but looking back into time, past the Indo-European tradition and well into the early birth of Homo sapiens sapiens, we see that the Dog with HUMAN HANDS was a growing fear among the earliest of our species. Dukkha. THE WORDS THEMSELVES LOOK LIKE DOGHANDS!!!! You may think I'm going a little too far, but as we delve deeper, you'll understand my reasoning.

The word Dukkha means "suffering" in the Buddhist sense of the word. Conversely, the Dog with HUMAN HANDS brings ghastly suffering to this world. And the suffering he brings is not just the type where he sneaks up on your baby and gnashes it limb from limb while you watch, unable to cry out because he already has his rough and heartless HANDS clenched around your throat, stealing your very soul and dignity in death. The suffering that the Buddha taught was essentially the entire composition of the world.

The Second Noble Truth is the rise of Dukkha. This suffering comes from every part of the human, through all the desires of the senses: seeing (the maniacal look), hearing (the howling and growling), smelling (that wet dog smell), tasting (your own blood), and of course, feeling (the tickling fur, the last sensation you'll ever know before you pass to your next life). Most important of the senses though, is the sixth, the mind. The Dukkha is coming from our mind! How can it be that the most hated enemy of mankind is a projection of our mind?!? It is not actually the projection of terror, but the idea that we hold in our head that something this hideous could exist. We are scared of the repercussions, and hence we desire and thirst (Tanha), to be safe from this living nightmare.

The Third Noble Truth is recognizing the cessation to Dukkha. One must realize that one can end Dukkha and the worldly desire it entails if you follow the Middle Path, which is the Fourth Noble Truth. Upon acceptance of this fact, you are ready to proceed to the Fourth Noble Truth:

The Buddha cultivated an ultimate sense of non-being by following what he called the Middle Path, or the Eightfold Path. It is the middle road between sensual indulgence and asceticism. The path is:

Right Understanding (understanding that the dog is evil)
Right Thought (ignoring his evil aura)
Right Speech (don't talk to him, he'll kill you)
Right Action (killing him if he's not looking)
Right Livelihood (get a job that will help you kill him)
Right Effort (believe that you can kill him)
Right Mindfulness (take special care to kill him)
Right Concentration (always be mindful of your task)

By following these, in no particular order, one will eventually end all Dukkha and you will finally be able to sleep at night, knowing that the world is safe from that lurking shadow, panting outside your child's door.