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28 March, 2004
Hello out there,
Good times in Mattland... the semester is starting to get difficult,
and simultaneously I have gained renewed fervor in my attitude towards
making cartoons. You could consider it like a bodhisattva's bodhicitta.
I've noticed that even Malcolm, who has always been optimistic about our
success, has acquired this bodhicitta. Not much else to say, but keep
spreading the word, and maybe we can get DWHH elected president or something
26 March, 2004
I see that the Dog with HUMAN HANDS has finally told the world of his
glorious past. That's right, GLORY!! I scorn this feeble minded canine
for abandoning an illustrious life of secret murder. And I scorn those
that use that tired appelation with the capital letters for effect. BAH!
This "man" is a traitor! To those who sympathize with this pathetic,
whimpering "pacifist," I indulge you to admire the team we once
were, and look at the paradise he lost by quitting.
True, the government used us for killings, but don't get too anti-hegemonistic
at first. The government has thousands of people killed everyday. But
DWHH couldn't handle it. It seems that the HANDS might have given him
an extra degree of human compassion (who would've thought that the root
of humanity might actually be good?). For a while he sucked it up, though,
but it was clear who was "top-dog" in that relationship.
We had the greatest tactics too... imagine, two mangy animals moping
around your house/compound/airbase/trenches, dragging their tails and
looking for food and wait, did I just see a glint of
metal in that fur, nah couldn't have been *GRZXKCZKK* you're dead. I would
claw them from the back while HANDS would give them the one-two punch,
but truly there's no greater feeling than a man's pulsing jugular squirting
life essence straight down your throat.
Anyways, I have such high government clearance now that I pretty much
roam the world at will, occasionally knocking off a job or two as needed.
I cannot disclose my exact current location, but I can tell you that the
Middle East won't be too happy in the upcoming months. Meanwhile, I see
my old partner has sold out to his soft side. Don't let the big words
and haughty attitude fool you... he knows very little of violence. But
I suppose I am a bit harsh... after all, it's my nature... I am... DEATHFOX!!!
26 March, 2004
Hey everyone. A new cartoon from Malcolm and Matt, FINALLY! We are done.
It's on the cartoons page. Also, do check out, if you will, a new buddy
icon by our friend David, about a trip down a roller-coaster. Hope everyone
has been well. Cheers!
25 March, 2004
by Bonhomme de Neige
Philoi (loves)! It is I, the Bonhomme de Neige, lord of winterland Quebec
and tutor of civilization to the dog with human hands. I am releasing
my adventures serially, just as did the Dickens in his day, on the essays
page! The first two installments of my ten-part initial arc, Rise of
the Snowman, are there now. Rise chronicles my thrilling adventures
as I scour the earth for the love of a good woman of snow, as well as
all the rivalries, friendships, battles, hatreds, scheming, politics and
erotic conundrums into which I stumble along the way. I hope you enjoy
them; I certainly did! Insipid illustrations by Stevie, the dog's inhumanly
Next episode: dumb animals.
Too, new "buddy icons" for all the children of the world!
24 March, 2004
Hey gang! An update for you. We've got two new cartoons. One is Malcolm's
flash odyssey, Death Song. It's about a dude walkin' down the street before
he dies. Two is Six Short Films By Andrew, and the name should be self-explanatory.
Matt is wrapping up the Malcolm/Matt joint effort, which we should have
for you soon.
Wanted to let you guys know that I went and saw Eternal Sunshine of the
Spotless Mind, and I can't get it out of my head (appropriate considering
the subject matter...). It is really, really good. If you're afraid to
see Jim Carrey actually act after seeing The Majestic, I can assure you
he has lots of opportunities for zaniness in this one. Although he also
pulls off some really strong dramatic acting. Sometimes I think Charlie
Kaufman might be the american cinematic jewel of our generation. Please
go see it.
16 March, 2004
A quick update. Pardon my brevity. There are new buddy icons for you,
and also two new cartoons, Matt's first flash attempt, Stabby, and BabyKill,
a fictional account of me mauling a baby. It's funny, just absurd. I'm
only a little hurt. I've been busy guys, I'm sorry, I'll have some more
rantings for you soon.
14 March, 2004
Do I ever wish I tanned. Just my nose, I'm afraid. I have returned just
this morning from Bali, where I was to interview Brando. Regrettably,
he was checked out most of the trip, having nursed a fondness for slushy
island beverages all week. C'est dommage.
Malcolm came up to New York to run some of my side projects while I was
gone. He's a dear, and I gave him a raise. He's particularly good at dealing
with these specialty distributors. I own a small chain of handbag boutiques,
you see, and out at the mill they ALWAYS think they're the only ones with
budget problems, or any kind of work-related stress for that matter. He
knows how to sweet-talk. Anyway, Malcolm might have some things to report
about his trip.
Matt and Malcolm fixed a glitch in the Deathfox cartoon. Now the animation
is smoother, and Deathfox doesn't spend 6 minutes in flight before attacking
the hapless passerby.
New cartoons! We've got another one from Andrew, one from Matt's girlfriend,
and Matt's got a new one about me (which, i want to assure the mothers
of the world, is entirely fictional) that is rapidly nearing completion.
Also, "Rob The Golfer" and "Jase's Cartoon" are now
on the main cartoons page, in the Contributors/Nepotism section. Oh, and
Matt and Malcolm's combined effort is coming along nicely. So far they've
gone Malcolm-Matt-Malcolm. So feel free to send Matt feedback to hurry
his ass along. It's getting so huge that, rather than one file, we're
doing it in installments. But we're going to post all three or four or
whatever when the whole thing's done... it'll be better that way, trust
me. We won't need a "previously, on E.R." sorta thing. Oh actually,
wait, we already have one. Malcolm thinks that's funny for some reason...
Well, whatever, to each his own.
6 March, 2004
Oh boy, do we have lotsa good stuff for you. Malcolm has updated the
website, and we have two new cartoons, one from Matt and one from Matt's
brother, and an essay by the Bonhomme de Neige. Matt has some comments
on the new Mel Gibson movie, and since I haven't been able to make it
out to the theater, I may let him take this one. Expect those soon.
I'll be watching the season premier of the Sopranos tonight... maybe
that merits a review.
Well, listen, you MUST check out Matt's
new cartoon. It's about Deathfox, my friend-turned-nemesis. I met
him in my youth, when Dr. Reimer believed him to be the missing link between
me and the rest of the animal kingdom. Well, Deathfox escaped, and I've
been running from him, in one way or another, ever since.
There's something I need to come clean about... during that "dark
period" in my life, after Dr. Reimer passed away, I was "employed"
by the "government." I did hits for them, under the pretense
that a dog cannot be charged with a crime. Deathfox helped me get this
job (I was drinking way too much at the time and was wracked by nihilistic
thoughts), and helped me hone my skills in assassination. But it just
wasn't for me. Deathfox was, I must concede, a brilliant killer, and had
the temperament for it. But while I've never had any trouble killing animals,
humans have always been a different beast. ... unless they pissed me off,
but that's neither here nor there.
Deathfox could kill without remorse, but I just couldn't keep it up,
after all those times they lay pleading on the floor, that puppy-dog look
in their eyes.
Fortunately, Congress passed a special bill about man-animal hybrids,
preventing me from any further man-slaying. I was off the hook. Deathfox,
3 March, 2004
Hey gang, we've finally got some cool linking buttons. You can find them
on the lynx page.
2 March, 2004
DWHH is still busy ranting and raving about Jarecki and the Oscars. He'll
have something to you shortly. In the meantime, check out the updated
advice page. Or... get ready... another cartoon! Matt says he "pulled
it out of the garbage," but I think it's cool. So check that out
on the cartoons page. Cheers!
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